Sometimes Things Get Worse.....

We got more bad news about my father today. He had an appointment at 11:45 with his oncologist and they said the lesion in his brain in more cancer and that it is what is affecting his motor functions and stability. His doctor said that he would no longer need chemo since the brain automatically shuts off chemo from traveling to his brain. He said the only thing that could be done would be to do radiation on his brain. He said if it were him personally he wouldn't subject a family member to such 'torture'. The radiation would make him very very sick and he'd be in a lot of pain. He said he wouldn't wish that on his worst enemy. After hearing that of course LK opted not to do radiation. I called her around 1pm and she could barely tell me all of this. I offered to call my siblings and spread the news. That was a very hard thing to do for me. How do you tell people your father is dying and there is nothing else you can do? I tried to be strong while telling each of my siblings the news but I ended up breaking down after everyone I told.
I called Kelly and asked if she would watch Sawyer while I went and visited my dad. The entire way to his house I was bawling. I couldn't contain any of my emotions. I had to sit in my car in front of his house for a while to try to compose myself. I knew it would not be good of me to go in and just start crying. I needed to be strong for him....
When I entered his house, he was in his usual chair talking on the phone and just sobbing. I lost it. I dropped my stuff and ran over to him. I laid my head on his chest and matched his sobs. I pulled back so I could look at him and he just started back at he, tears pouring down our cheeks. I held his hands and noticed how frail they have become. He then put his hand on my cheek and I memorize how they felt on my face. I kept telling him how much I love him.
My uncle and nana came and so did his bishop and his neighbor that he is good friends with. They gave my dad a blessing. At this time I cannot remember every thing it entailed but I can say I felt peaceful after it was done.
My sister Charise got there soon after and also my sister Tiffany and niece Torrey. I was so glad that they were all able to come and visit him today. He needed it so much. So did I. We sat talking and reminising for quite a while and ate a little dinner. It was close to 7 so I decided it was best to let him get some rest and go get my baby.
On the way home I called Nikki and totally broke down again. I try to be strong but I really am weak when it comes things like this. Nikki broke down to me as well. She is coming to town this week and I couldn't be more thankful. My dad needs her as do I.
I know I have asked many times for people to keep my dad in their prayers but I am asking again....
I love my dad. Right now, I am terrified. I pray for the strength to be strong for my dad and family.