Another Regret To Add To My List

Brandon and dad's birthday was Thursday. I did pretty good not showing how much pain I was feeling with my dad being gone.... It became almost unbearable once LK came. She brought a pool that my dad had bought last year especially for Sawyer to play in at their house. (Don't get me wrong I was SOOO SOOO happy LK came. The pool just made me think of all the many many things I didn't do and all the hundreds of regrets I have.) I never brought him over there to play in the pool. Not once. Gosh, I feel like an idiot. Why did I not do that? It was such a simple thing I could have done. Why could I not take a few hours out of my day and let my dad watch as his grandson swim in a pool he bought for him? Why was I so selfish. It makes me feel absolutely disgusted with myself at how awful I was sometimes. Yes, we had our differences but that should never had stopped me from letting him see Sawyer swim in his special pool grandpa and grandma bought him.
I remember every time I would go over there dad would always say stuff like "Look at the way Sawyer just looks through to your soul." or "Have you kissed those little baby lips yet?" I use to think he was weird when he would say things like that but now I look into Sawyers eyes and I understand what he meant. Dad could sense just how close to the veil he was. And now I also can't get enough of my baby boys kisses! He was right. All along. Wish I would have taken the time when he was here though. Its just another regret to add to my list unfortunately.