Thinking About Dad

I think I know why I have been a little on the depressed side lately. I have had 2 dreams about my dad and he has been on my mind a lot. My dreams were really strange.

1st Dream: We went through my dad's death all over again. Miserable. Then we were in my mom's back yard having a BBQ when all the sudden the clouds turned kinda dark. We all looked up to see what was going on when all the sudden bubbles started to come down from the sky and surround us and eventually encircling us. We knew that they were from my dad..... What does that mean?!

2nd Dream: My mom and her husband got divorced {sorry mom I didn't mean to dream this} and my parents got back together. Weird thing was we were all young again. I was probably about 7 or 8 again but still had all my memories from now. Can anyone tell me what these things mean?

I was sitting at my computer listening to music when a song started to play that made me think of my dad. "Tough Little Boys" by Gary Allen. Its the song that my dad and I danced to at my wedding. I began to sob. I have had this terrible ache inside me but haven't found a way to release it until I cried. It felt good to cry. Is that strange? I was at the table eating lunch with my grandma and Sawyer on my lap and I was just staring at Sawyer. I thought how much Sawyer has changed since December. My dad would have been amazed at his progress and change. He was always so glad to watch his grandchildren grow and learn. Tears began to stream down my cheeks again {like they are now} and Sawyer just looked up at me, smiled, and gave me a hug! He knew his mama needed it. He is very intuitive. He is such a strength to me. Even at such a young age.

Today, has been a struggle. Missing my dad so much it almost hurts. Although, I am not a fan of crying it helps my heart to heal. I know I will see him again. Its just the waiting part that is hard.